


Let Them Eat Cake

by MistyBeethoven



Series: Strange Couchfellows [11]
Category: John Wick (Movies)
Genre: Air Conditioners, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bets, Book restoration, Butts, Cake, Comedy, Gen, Guilt, Mario Kart, Misunderstandings, Nosy Neighbours, Nudity, Piercings, Pizza, Robin Lord Taylor character, Stripping, Tattoos, Wii, tighty whities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 12:09:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19228861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: John Wick becomes curious about the Administrator's tattoos and the two end up playing a game with unusual stakes.





	Let Them Eat Cake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ForsakenAssassin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForsakenAssassin/gifts).



> The eleventh in a time diverting and admittedly stupid series.
> 
> Thanks to the wonderful ForsakenAssassin who inspired the idea for this one. I hope it won't be too disappointing!

Curiousity was a very hazardous thing the Administrator had often thought.

Pandora had opened a box once in it and unleashed a ton of shit onto the world. It was rumoured to be very bad for the health of cats and it had, more often than not, made him purchase a new food product only to find out it tasted like garbage at double the cost.

Still, eating breakfast with John Wick, the man couldn't help but wonder what the assassin did for fun when he had left the criminal world organized by the High Table.

"I restored books," Wick answered. "Leather bound first editions for the most part."

It didn't sound much like fun to the Administrator. But then again neither did knitting, fishing or raising children but people did that all the time as well.

"Well I have a shelf full of Dr. Seusses over there. Knock yourself out."

"No. You've kept them in pretty good condition."

It disturbed the Administrator to learn that Wick had been secretly judging his book collection.

It disturbed him even more to find John Wick staring at him curiously.

"What?" he asked past a mouth full of Lucky Charms.

"I was thinking about how people judge books by their covers," the assassin stated. "I was wondering what type of book you'd be."

"The type people never make it to the end of," the Administrator sighed.

"Probably the piercings and the tattoos," John Wick suggested. "How many do you have?"

"Too many."

"What are the other tattoos of?" Wick frowned. "I never have seen them."

It was true, the Administrator thought. He usually kept covered around the apartment. He was reluctant to display himself to an assassin in case it gave him ideas of where to stick any knives or bullets.

"And you never will," the Administrator said, masticating a few horseshoe and rainbow marshmallows.

It was not the right thing to say in retrospect he realized later: it only made John Wick all the more curious.

* * *

In the days that followed, the Administrator caught Wick trying to catch any glimpse of an unseen tattoo that he could. He felt like a damaged book under the man's scrutiny.

Stepping out of the bathroom after a bath, John Wick was there disappointed to see his roommate in a robe tied up to his neck.

The assassin even tampered with the air conditioner so the room would become unbearably hot and the pencil pusher would have to shed some articles of clothing. It did not work. The Administrator only folded his arms and smirked at Wick in defiance. The hitman had finally relented and fixed the machine when he noticed his dog panting more than usual.

The High Table worker was onto the assassin's tricks and did not want to satisfy his growing curiousity. It became a game between them of sorts: one the Administrator was determined to win.

* * *

"What's the point of having tattoos if you don't want people to see them?" Wick asked one night while they were playing the Wii.

"Who says I don't want people to see them?" the Administrator said as he stared at the screen."

"So it's just _me_ than?"

"You can't see them because you _want_ to see them. I'm a prick," the pencil pusher admitted.

John Wick pouted.

The Administrator hated when he did that.

"Look," he said throwing down the control after 15 minutes and the man's expression hadn't changed. "Maybe I will okay?"

John Wick smiled.

"On one condition," the Administrator warned.

"What is it?" the assassin looked wary.

"You have to beat me at Mario Kart. You win a piece of clothing for every race you win. I get a piece of yours for every one I beat your ass. I get to keep yours too."

John Wick's eyebrow raised in confusion. "What do you want with my clothing?"

"Underworld EBay. I can make a small fortune."

John Wick nodded. "I agree to your proposition."

They proceeded to play. At the start, the Administrator was upset as he lost his tie. He then lost his vest. He was beginning to worry after he lost his two socks but then his fortune suddenly seemed to shift and to his utter amazement he started to win.

He won the hitman's tie.

He won the assassin's jacket.

He won the hired killer's left and right socks.

The Administrator was in such a good mood about winning over his roommate, in fact, that he forgot to replace the deadbolt when he answered the door for the pizza Delivery Boy.

John refused to do it.. He was only in his underwear by this point and had admitted he would have felt pretty foolish.

Placing the pizza box on the cushion between them, the Administrator sat down on the couch.

One more race and he would win, the High Table stamper beamed. Just one more race and he'd have John Wick's underwear _and_ the bragging rights of having won against the great _Baba_ _Yaga_.

...

...

Suddenly something felt very _wrong_ about the whole thing.

"You're letting me win," the Administrator turned to the assassin. "You've been letting me win this whole time."

John Wick turned to look at him. "I had to. It didn't seem fair."

The man in the glasses felt his temper flare. The stupid idiot had been willing to let him think he'd beat him just because of some stupid guilt. The Administrator was about to yell at the other man until he saw him sitting there calmly in his briefs.  
John Wick had been willing to be stripped down to his tightly whities just so things wouldn't be unfair; the man was _willing_ to lose to keep his integrity.

Well as much integrity as one could have sitting virtually naked on a sofa playing Mario Kart.

The Administrator gulped. Wick's guilt was catching.

" _Fine_ ," the shorter man said and started to unbutton his shirt. "I won't let you win this game, John fucking Wick!"

The Administrator tore off every single piece of clothing he had on. When he was standing there in his boxers he gave the other man a self satisfied smile and then ripped them off too.

"There you wanted to see!" the bureaucrat shouted. "Well here you go!"

He did a 360 degree turn and offered John Wick a full view.

"You even get to see the stupid chickadee the shithead tattoo artist thought it would be funny to put on my right ass cheek," the Administrator stated.

"What?" Wick asked.

"A chickadee," the Administrator said and spun around pointing to a spot on his buttocks. "It's real small."

It was so small indeed that John Wick stood up and bent closer to get a better look.

At that precise moment, Mrs. Milner, the perverted woman who lived in the apartment below them, walked in the door. She was holding a large tray.

"Would you boys like some cake?" she asked before stopping in her tracks, taking in the sight before her: John Wick's face was 2 inches away from the Administrator's bare ass.

"Oh," she smiled. "I see you're already enjoying some. I'll just let you two nice boys be."

The woman rushed out the door giggling all the way.

John Wick and the Administrator both sat back down on the couch. The pencil pusher put his head back and sighed. "Why couldn't it have been a killer?"

John didn't answer. He looked down at the Administrator's lap. The other question he had always wondered about finally being answered as well.

"Nice piercing," the assassin said.

 


End file.
